Toilet Trauma

2011 just keeps getting better.

So Friday I woke up feeling awful-sore throat, headache, body aches, intestinal upset, and what usually follows intestinal upset.  This continued for all of Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and that takes us to this morning, Monday morning.

After a night of minimal sleep due to sinus pressure, a thunderstorm, and frequent trips to the bathroom I got up wearily to shower, get breakfast ready-all the normal morning stuff.  While in the shower I heard some strange sounds coming from the toilet, like swishing and glugging water.  I didn’t think too much of it because changes in water pressure often cause the toilet to make strange sounds.  Chris and I went on with our morning as usual.  Chris was in the bathroom brushing his teeth when I suddenly needed to go to the bathroom.  He hustled out and I raised toilet seat, but quickly jumped back and screamed.

Sitting in the bowl was a large, wet rat.

The phrase “drowned rat” will forever have new meaning to me.

Chris jumped up, and I screamed “There’s a huge rat in the toilet!” and began crying.

Chris told me to wait on the porch while he went in the bathroom, and a few seconds later I hear

“There’s no rat in here.”

“There was one, I saw it, it was right there, it has to be there”

“Well, it’s not there now”

I’m thinking, “Okay, so I know it’s been a rough couple of weeks, but am I seriously starting to have hallucinations of rats in toilets?!  I mean are you kidding me?  And if I’m going to start having hallucinations couldn’t they be of something fun like I don’t know, kittens or bowls of candy or family members I haven’t seen in awhile? “

After about five minutes of Chris sitting next to me on the porch attempting to comfort me and me freaking out, crying and proclaiming that I plan to leave the country today, we went back inside and Chris opened the lid of the toilet again.  He let out a yell and I knew our wet, matted rat friend had returned. 

I didn’t imagine it.  Thank the Lord.  I was starting to really worry for a second.

So what do you do with a live rat in your toilet?  Neither Chris nor I were interested in trying to grab it or club it to death.  In fact, I had fled back to the safety of the porch and Chris was standing with one foot on the closed toilet lid to keep the nasty rodent from getting loose.  After making a few phone calls, one of the MAF kids who was excited to catch the rat for his snake came over.  Sadly, after multiple attempts and several blows to the head, the rat went back down the toilet and so far has not returned.  I am praying said rat went to his watery grave somewhere, or if not, that he went back the way he came and is too traumatized to come back and he will tell all of his friends to stay away too.

In reality I am probably the only one who is traumatized in this situation.  I feel like I will never be able to open the toilet again without being petrified that there will be a furry beast inside.  That’s not even to speak of actually using the toilet, especially at night. 

Really I don’t understand why these things are allowed to happen sometimes.

I’m sure many of you are rolling with laughter, and I don’t blame you, I probably would be too, but beware, when Chris and I later googled “rats in the toilet” stories popped up from all over the world, including many from states all over the U.S.  So check your toilets before you sit-you just may have an unwelcome potty partner.

Signing off and hoping, praying for better times ahead with no rats, sickness or other awfulness.